Letting Go For Julia
by I'dBeDelighted
Summary: This is a companion piece to Holding On For William. I decided to take up the challenge of writing William's side of the story.


William knew there was a new female pathologist working at the morgue. He was surprised that a woman would want to work in such a macabre profession. He'd been looking forward to having a reason to visit and meet Dr. Ogden. His chance finally arrived when he'd been called out to a crime scene. Two people had been stabbed to death and a fourteen year old boy was hanging in a tree in the yard. He'd been at the scene for some time but Dr. Ogden had not yet arrived and he could not stay much longer as he'd been called to another crime scene. He was disappointed he had to leave before seeing her but knew he would have another opportunity when he visited the morgue for the post mortem results.

Sometime later William entered the morgue. He was anxious to meet the new Doctor as he had always been drawn to intelligent women; he knew that to become a doctor she had to have a great intellect. He walked past the bodies from his latest murder case and cast a quick glance in their direction. They all appeared to be completely intact. Had she not started the post mortems yet? William found the Doctor sitting at the desk in what served as the morgue office. She stood as he approached. She was tall and graceful and - beautiful. Not what he had expected at all! He had imagined an older, studious woman. "Dr. Ogden?" he enquired as he offered his hand, "Det. Murdoch." As the Doctor shook his hand a shiver ran through him. He was taken aback by his reaction to her touch. He had never had this sensation before, not even with Liza. "Have you examined the bodies Doctor?" William got down to business to distract himself. The boy had murdered his parents then hung himself; nothing to investigate, so he wanted to close the file and concentrate on the other case he'd been called to that afternoon. He had hoped to have the post mortems completed today however it seemed Dr. Ogden had other ideas, and was about to leave after only doing a preliminary examination. She was quite insistent on resuming her Sunday activities. He had even told her how much he would appreciate it if she would finish them today, but she would have none of it. In fact she was quite dismissive and set about wheeling the bodies into the cold storage room. William turned to leave but his feet would not carry him to the door; in fact they were taking him toward Dr. Ogden. Not knowing what else to do he gave her assistance. Once the cold storage room door was firmly shut he found he had no excuse to stay so he said good day and left. On his walk back to the Station House he found he couldn't stop thinking of Dr. Ogden, so beautiful, so elegant, so … indomitable….

The following afternoon William was examining a piece of evidence under the microscope when he felt he was being watched. He looked up to find Dr. Ogden standing in the doorway. His heart skipped a beat. Once again he had had an involuntary reaction to the Doctor. He stood and walked around the table "Dr. Ogden, please, come in." he gestured for her to enter. She handed him her report and summarized the details. William quickly glanced at the report. He thanked her then found himself apologizing for presuming that she would finish the post mortems on a Sunday. Now why did he do that? It was quite a reasonable request. The previous pathologist would have finished them, but then … he was an older bachelor with nowhere better to be on a Sunday afternoon. Perhaps Dr. Ogden had a suitor that she was anxious to see. William was overcome with resentment. He was shocked at his reaction. He didn't know the Doctor and he _was_ engaged to Liza. She said there was no need to apologize then turned to leave, he must say something…. "Once again, thank you … and … I hope we will see each other again soon Doctor." The Doctor stammered something as she turned, then she was gone. William sat down and staring at the empty space where she had just stood he sighed. He looked down, this woman was having quite the effect on him. He had never had these stirrings before, not even with Liza. He was totally captivated. He hung his head, how could he feel this way toward another woman? But he did. Despite never looking at another woman, in _that_ way anyway, since he first started courting Liza he now found himself totally unable to control his ardour and he had only just met Dr. Ogden.

Dr. Ogden … Julia, had been at the morgue for six months already, the time had flown by. He had been right about her intellect, she was brilliant and … beautiful. His heart skipped a beat every time he laid eyes on her. There was no one at the Station House to hold an intellectual conversation with and the people at his boarding house were no better. William found himself making excuses to visit the morgue. They talked about the latest inventions and scientific or medical discoveries, Julia was a wonderful conversationalist. They had discussed religion and she didn't blink an eye when he told her he was Catholic. There was no look or derisive remark. How refreshing to not be treated as a second class citizen just because of his faith. One day, out of the blue, Julia had asked how Liza was. Liza had been deteriorating for quite some time and William didn't like to talk about her. It was personal, not a subject for conversation. However he found himself opening up to her about Liza's illness. He had never talked to anyone else about it but Julia was a doctor and knew all about the disease and how it affected anyone unlucky enough to be afflicted.

Liza had died. William had lost his mother, his father to the bottle then Susanna to the cloister and now he had lost his fiancée, his Liza. He was beside himself with grief. He would have to pull himself together before the Inspector relieved him of his duties or even worse, fired him. Whilst he grieved for Liza he could not imagine life without his "family" at Station House Four and … _Julia_. If he was fired he would never see Julia again. He could not bear to think of that. He must put all this behind him and find a way to go on. He felt remorse and guilt towards Liza. He was torn. He loved Liza with all his heart … but … something else was drawing him to Julia. He felt he had betrayed Liza despite having never acted on his feelings for Julia.

Julia had been behaving rather strangely of late and William just could not fathom what was going on. She would look at him in the oddest ways, then she started telling the strangest 'jokes', he thought she was going quite mad. Despite her bizarre behaviour he still enjoyed her company and it had not dampened his fervour. In fact since Liza's death William's feelings for Julia had continued to deepen. She was somewhat of a puzzle to him still. Her beliefs and actions were quite alien to him at times and he fought to reconcile them with his own. He had never questioned the tenets of his faith but Julia challenged him at every turn. She was the most outspoken woman he had ever met … and it was exhilarating. She was so different from any woman he had met before, he was totally captivated. Yet, he could not find a way to express his feelings. Liza had made her feelings towards him known, all he had had to do was reciprocate. Would Julia ever feel the same way about him as he did her? Perhaps one day.

William woke from his dream, the bedsheets were strewn everywhere, his heart was racing and his pajamas were wet. Not again! He would have to do something to relieve this torment. He needed to find a way to escape this prison his inability to express himself had locked him in. He would have to tell Julia how he felt … but how?

William had his chance! There was an electrical demonstration in the park, he had invited Julia to join him - and she had agreed! He'd taken a picnic, they were in a park after all. He was so excited when he'd seen Nicola Tesla he'd almost forgotten why he was there but then there was an accident and someone was electrocuted, except it turned out not to be an accident. Another lost opportunity to try and let Julia know how he felt. He'd hoped a picnic would lead to other things and perhaps he would be able to show her how he felt rather than having to tell her. Why did he struggle to put his feelings into words? If only she could read those looks he had been aiming in her direction all this time.

The Chief Constable had suggested he apply for the Inspector's position at Station House Three. William would like the promotion, he was qualified and he would get a raise in pay; but at the same time he wasn't totally sure it was what he wanted. He enjoyed the puzzles he solved every day. Why was he kidding himself? He really wasn't sure he wanted the job because it would mean he would see less of Julia! Station House Four was right across the street from the morgue, he could visit any time. If he moved to Station House Three he would have to travel across town to see her and as an inspector he wouldn't have the excuse. Also, she often popped in to his office just for a chat; she wouldn't be doing that if he moved.

Julia had brought the results of an examination of remains that were supposed to be Walter Iyott. They were someone else, but that was beside the point. He'd taken her out of his office as the rotting liver he had in a dish, with June bug pupae he was waiting to hatch, was really causing quite a stench. He was becoming used to it and he was surprised that Julia would notice it given the smell she worked with every day in the morgue. As Julia was turning to leave she seemed quite flustered and turned back to him.

" _So is it true?"_ she asked.

" _Is what true?"_ he replied trying to seem nonchalant.

" _That you applied for a new position."_

" _Yes."_

It seemed like she couldn't meet his gaze. _"Well, I-I would be sorry to see you leave."_

She quickly looked back as she turned to leave. William was surprised, it almost seemed like she would miss him. Surely he was reading too much into her words.

They were in the morgue standing over the body of the boxer, Amos Robinson, a large brute of a man. William couldn't understand what women saw in this man, but they seemed to be attracted to him. This was his chance to see what kind of man Julia liked. If she thought Amos Robinson was attractive then William would know he had been wasting his time for the last two years; Julia would never be attracted to him.

" _It always amazes me how something so large and vigourous can be brought down by something so small."_

William took the opportunity Julia had just presented. _"Is that why women were so attracted to him?"_ He was hesitant to look at her but she caught his eye; he quickly looked away.

" _How do you mean?"_

" _Is brute strength so compelling?"_ Now he looked straight at her.

" _To some women. Mr. Darwin calls it sexual selection. Large males, able to defeat other males, have more reproductive success; therefore, women find them appealing."_

Once again he couldn't meet her gaze, _"And what of peaceable types who live in their mind?"_ He managed to look her in the eye once again, _"How do they fair in this great Darwinian struggle?"_

Julia seemed somewhat ill at ease. _"Some women are attracted to intelligence, others prefer a combination."_

William thought about that for a second, _"An intelligent thug!"_

" _A somewhat intriguing concept don't you think?"_ She self-consciously looked at him then down at the bullet he was examining.

Back at the Station House William thought about their interaction. " _Some women are attracted to intelligence…."_ Could she be one of those women? He sighed, he was no further ahead….

Despite his attraction to Julia William was still holding on to the memory of Liza. Deep down he still felt he was being unfaithful. Arthur Conan Doyle had taken him to meet a psychic. It was all poppycock of course, but … she had told him things she couldn't possibly have known. She could have found out he was engaged but how could she know about the chain with the silver horse that he had given Liza? He had gone to have a private séance to see if she really could contact Liza. It was not what he was expecting; the only thing Liza had to say to him was that he must rejoin the living! He found it hard to accept that that was her only message but he came to realize she was right. He couldn't keep holding on to her memory, he had to move on. Liza was his past; he hoped Julia would be his future….

William was strapped into the the Numograph, his latest invention. The Numograph measures a person's physiological changes to questions, the liquid in the tube would rise or fall to show those changes. The constables were all standing around watching the demonstration, George had just started asking him some questions when Julia came in. She asked if she could observe. Once again William's heart skipped a beat at seeing her. Knowing his reaction would be registered by the Numograph he became quite distressed and wished to stop the demonstration but the Inspector suggested Julia ask the questions! Looking rather coy she proceeded to ask the next question on the list when Henry interrupted. _"Bugger that, here's a better one. Is the Detective in love?"_ The blue liquid shot up the tube and there was the answer for all to see. A look shot across Julia's face and then the whistle blew.

Julia was working late in the morgue, once again assisting him with a case. William had expected some kind of response to the day before but she showed no awareness of what had happened. He apologized for keeping her late, however she brushed it off saying she didn't have any social life these days. He admitted he was in a similar situation. Perhaps he could change that. Dr. Tash had seemingly implied that Julia and he had had a romantic involvement, William was envious and determined to find out if it was true. He asked her straight out if they had courted; she brushed it off. William thought he'd found the perfect moment to let Julia know how he felt. He took her face in his hands and kissed her deeply; taking him in her arms Julia returned the kiss, it was wonderful. _"Detective …"_ he opened his eyes, _"you wanted to ask me something?"_ He hadn't kissed her at all…! It was just a fantasy and he had found himself asking a lame question. He was exasperated with himself….

The Inspector had given William tickets saying he needed to get out more and so did Dr. Ogden. It seemed everyone but Julia now knew how he felt about her. They had gone to see the Houdini Brothers and Julia's younger sister had unexpectedly appeared on stage. Julia was not particularly happy to see her, he couldn't understand why; however the reason soon became obvious. Ruby was quite the character, it seems strong women run in the family! Ruby appeared to be interested in him, if only her sister would show this kind of interest. She even invited him out to dinner, he wasn't going to turn her down. Julia appeared at the restaurant, she seemed quite upset about something and William got the impression the two sisters had some sort of rivalry. He was most grateful when George came to get him. Ruby had earlier told him that Julia had been arrested and William felt compelled to ask Julia about the incident. She had been swimming with friends at Hanlon's Point, without clothing…. Oh how he would've loved to have seen that! He could not help imagining her without clothes. He asked her if she would have with him dinner to discuss it which she readily agreed to.

With the success of their recent outing William was emboldened to invite Julia to dinner again. He packed a picnic, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and absinthe. The liquor was prominent in his latest case, he wondered how much it would take to affect someone and he thought they could conduct an experiment. Of course it didn't take much to affect him as he wasn't used to drinking. He talked and laughed more than any other time, he was thoroughly enjoying himself and Julia appeared to be too. William realized he had not had the visions absinthe was famous for, _"I am disappointed."_ Julia looked at him, _"Why?" "Not one green fairy!"_ Julia laughed, _"Disappointed, William, we can't have that."_ He leaned in slightly, Julia leaned in to him then she placed her lips on his and they kissed. It was a brief kiss but it was the sweetest kiss he had ever experienced. His body reacted immediately and he found himself taking her in his arms and kissing her passionately. She removed his tie, undid his vest and shirt then he lay her down and kissed her lips, face and neck. He wanted to make love to her so desperately. He had waited three years for this moment and it was everything he had imagined.

" _William I think we should talk about where this is heading.…"_

The next day William was suffering the effects of the absinthe, despite that he was elated. He certainly hadn't expected the situation to go as far as it did and whilst his attempt at _amour_ ended in frustration, Julia didn't say she wasn't interested; in fact she gave every indication she was! He wondered, if he'd had a prophylactic _would_ she have let him make love to her? She certainly gave him that impression. He would never have thought to have taken protection, it went against his faith, not to mention the law! Once again Julia's modern ideas were challenging him in ways he found difficult to come to terms with. However, he now knew she did have feelings for him. He would plan another picnic, without absinthe next time; however, he _would_ take protection….


End file.
